Poké Story
by Herping Derping Derpturd
Summary: The popular pixel game, Cave Story, Is about to get, Pokémontised. Experience the fat and suffering from a brain trauma, Umbreon explore pointless caves to discover his real name and help the pokémon of the village survive an evil genocidal mastermind. I still cant believe no one thought of this crossover. It's just so perfect.
1. Our Hero Rises, and Falls

_Im getting derpy over a new story... SO I'll do a new story! This time its gonna be a X-over. Prepare for random, #!%&ed up sh!t._  
><em>I should be able to finish this faster, since Mircosoft Word 2010 failed on me (expired) but, hey, I still got Notepad. Probally gonna be sh!tty quality... oh well. At least it no check mah grammar and spelling.<em>  
><em>Okay, so this X-over is between Cave Story and Pokémon, which makes Poké Story. Its basically Cave Story names but their POKEMON! Thats obvious cause of "Poké" in the title.<em>  
><em>And... Blah, Blah, Blah LETS GO!<em>

* * *

><p><strong>Poké Story: Chapter 1: Our Hero Rises, and Falls<strong>

/ Someone's transmission... /

"I must connect to a network..." a Servine with it's tiny arms mumbled, "BUT I CANT REACH THE GOD DAMN KEYBOARD!"

"I finally reached the keyboard... now let's try finding mah sistah..." Kazuma paused, "YES IM TRYING TO BE GANGSTA!" He yelled at a random cockroach.

The cockroach just stared afterward.

"Now, to start the IM Chat, hopefully she will reply..." Kazuma added.

/ IM Chat /  
>Kazuma: Sue?<br>Kazuma: are you there?  
>Kazuma: it's me.<br>Kazuma: it's Kazuma!  
>Kazuma: I was somehow able to escape, but I'm #!%&amp;ing lost...<br>Kazuma: I'm in a shelter without anything inside... except for a computer and teleporter... thats broken, lucky me.  
>Kazuma: If you're reading this, please answer.<br>Kazuma: Please?  
> IM Chat Ended /

* * *

><p>"Oh... my head..." an Umbreon complained, "WHERE THE #!%&amp; AM I? What's my name? Ooh, water, I go swim!"<p>

"I'm swimming, I'm swimming, swimming, swimming, swimming... CANT BREATH!" Umbreon shouted from under the water.

...Umbreon drowned... Want to retry? Yes/No

"Meh, #!%& this, I'm outta here." Umbreon mumbled. "Also known as, NO!"

He walks around in circles, "What the #!%& am I doing?" He asked himself.

He finally managed to find the door, but it was locked, "God Dammit," Umbreon complained, "Now I gotta continue..." He chose 'yes' and went back where he was.

"Okay, dont swim this time... I will drown again... Hey! Some water! I could use a baff!" He happily jumped into the water and drowned again.

...Umbreon drowned... TIME PARADOX! Want to retry? Yes/No

"Hell, yeah!" Umbreon said as he immediately pushed the 'yes' button.

"Back at the starting point... TO THE SPINNING THING OVER THERE!" He immediately stopped cause he couldn't make the jump, "I HATE MY FATNESS!" After many tries of getting over there, he finally made it... and lost 9001 pounds. "ITS OVER 9000!" Umbreon yelled for no good reason.

"OH COME THE #!%& ON, ITS JUST A STUPID SAVE POINT!" Umbreon shouted, "NOW I NEED TO REGAIN A TENTH OF MY FAT!"

He looked up and saw another platform but it was easier to get to, he hoped. Of course, he was wrong. He lost a few extra pounds, and had a very hard time getting up there.

Once he got up, he found a door, "FINALLY! A WAY OUT OF THIS DUMP!" Umbreon yelled.

He exited the Starting Point, proudly and ended up in an even larger cave.

"MOTHER #!%&ER!" Umbreon screamed, "Oh well, which way... right, is the way I go.

As soon as he got up on the first platform he found a Rattata standing there with its eyes shut.

"Its... sleeping... HOW AWESOME!" When he said the Rattata woke and tried to rape his head, and eating his mind.

"I DONT HAVE A MIND, YOU MOTHER #!%&ING RAT!" Umbreon screamed, "GET YOUR STUPID PAWS OFF ME!"

Once he managed to 'kill' the Rattata, he went the other way, where he found many Zubats and spikes, "I HATE THIS PLACE! GET ME OUT OF HERE!"

He then noticed, a capsule of some kind after he passed the spikes and a few Zubats.

"WHY MUST IT BE ALL THE WAY UP THERE?" Umbreon complained, "IT COULD HAVE AT LEAST BEEN WHERE I AM RIGHT NOW!"

Once he got it, he 'opened' it and his life gauge increased, "What the #!%&, THIS AINT DID NOTHING!" He threw it away, and coninued through the cave.

"#!%& MORE GOD DAMN WATER, IM GONNA KILL MYSELF AGAIN!" Umbreon complained, luckily he managed to jump over it where there was, a Rattata 'drowning' in the water and a Zubat right behind it.

"I Seriously hate this cave... but what the hell" He jumped off the platform he was on and magically landed on the other side.

"I think I defied gravity... THATS #!%&ING AWESOME!" His excitement lowered when he heard a loud yawn in a cave that looks like a gigantic cat that wants to eat you.

"Uhh... I think I'll pass... on that exploration." He turned around and found an army of Rattatas behind him, "On second thought, I'll explore it." He entered it and the Rattatas fleed 'cause of the cave shape.

"Man, that was-"

"WHO THE #!%& ARE YOU?" a very old Registeel Gunsmith asked.

"HOW DARE YOU INTERUPT ME!" Umbreon yelled at him and tackled him.

After a few hours of slapping eachother in the face, Umbreon won and then kicked the Registeel out of the way.

"Hey, a chest! I wonder whats in it!"

Umbreon opened the chest and found the move, Swift.

"AWWW... YEAH, WEAPON IN MY POCKET!" Umbreon cheered happily.

* * *

><p> Someone's Transmission... /

"I gotta find mah sistah, but how?" Kazuma thought about it, then facepalmed, "Of course, search the user."

"S-U-E, I type that in the search bar, and then press OK, and then it does the sh!t for me, I'm a genius!"

/ One user 'Sue' found /

/ IM Chat /  
>Kazuma: SUUUUE!<br>Kazuma: answer me you dumb bi%ch!  
>Kazuma: they are looking for you!<br>Kazuma: are you asleep or something?  
>Kazuma: your brother is so god damn lonely...<br>/ IM Chat Ended /

* * *

><p>"Okay, time to test out this awesome ass Swift move, hopefully it will take care of them stupid Rattatas and Zubats," Umbreon began, and used swift, "HOLY SH!T THAT WAS AWESOME!"<p>

He exited the cat like cave and charged at the Rattatas and Zubats, killing them all, and leveled up the move Swift to level 2.

"EAT MAH SHINY ASS STARS BI%CHES!" Umbreon yelled at them and collected all the magically bouncing energy stuff that leveled up the move Swift again.

He fired it on level 3 and fired 2 huge stars at once, "I LOVE THIS WEAPON!" Umbreon yelled as he hugged it.

"Yay, an exit I can get out of here!" Umbreon cheered. his excitement disappeared fast when he tried to get out.

"NO! ONE! SHALL! PASS!" A Cofagrigus yelled at him.

"YOU POSSESSED PIECE OF SH!T!" Umbreon yelled at him and owned him with the move Swift that was supposed to have no effect on the Cofagrigus.

"HOW THE #!%& DID HE BEAT ME!" Was the last thing the Cofagrigus said as he disappeared forever.

"DONT MESS WITH MAH AWESOMETUDENESS!" Umbreon yelled at the demolished door, "For those of you who had no idea what the #!%& I just said, it was 'Awesometudeness', my word, Awesome-tude-ness. Got it?"

* * *

><p> Someone's transmission... /  
> IM Chat /  
>Kazuma: C'mon Sue!<br>Kazuma: type a number or letter will ya?  
>Kazuma: I'M GONNA STARVE OVER HERE...<br>Kazuma: I'm so hungry that...  
>Kazuma: I even ate a cockroach!<br>Kazuma: LOL Just kidding!  
>Kazuma: but, just so you know, if I get to that point I'll do it...<br>/ IM Chat Ended /

"Wheres that stupid cockroach I yelled at earlier?" Kazuma asked himself.

He then looked at the door and saw the cockroach clawing toward it, "OH NO YOU DONT!"

He was too late, the cockroach escaped his presense.

"YOU PIECE OF SH!T!" Kazuma raged.

* * *

><p>"Gimme the stinkin' key!" a Gallade yelled at a Latias.<p>

"NO!" the Latias yelled back.

"Are you trying to protect that bi%ch Sue? She's an outsider!" the Gallade asked.

"That bi%ch your talking about is a good person, I will not betray her!" the Latias responed.

"Toroko... the next time the mother #!%&ing doctor shows up, someone else will be taken away. If Sue isnt turned in, you could be in danger."

"Bu, but..." Toroko began.

"Just hand over the god damn key!"

"HOLY SHHHHHHHHHHHH!TTTTTTTTTTTTT!" a voice from above yelled.

Toroko and the Gallade looked up and saw an Umbreon fall out of the sky.

"WHAT THE #!%&" they both yelled, and Toroko ran away.

* * *

><p><em>The first part of this has been written, in a shorter amount of time then my other story: <strong>What It's Really Like In MarioKart 7<strong>. I like making the hero very stupid, rages easily, and fat. Our hero, Umbreon is still fat after the 9001 pound loss. Oh well, prepare for dipsh!t of randomness after this chapter. You gotta love internet jokes. I know swift is a normal type move, but hey it defied the pokemon move types and owned the Cofagrigus. Yes, I like swearing a lot in my stories._

_To be continued... in the next chapter._


	2. 2 Badies, 1 Shitload of An Adventure

_HOORAY! Moar random sh!t for a crossover! I'm so happy (:D). Anyway, if your wondering where the hell Umbreon goes when he drowns or dies, he goes to an empty room with 2 buttons and a locked door. He got pissed off when he accidently went to hell._  
><em>Anyway, thats behind us, TIME TO BEGIN CRAPTER 2! I mean chapter 2.<em>

* * *

><p><strong><span>Poké Story: Chapter 2: 2 Badies, 1 Sh!tload of an Adventure.<span>**

* * *

><p>"Why must bad things always happen to me?" Umbreon asked himself.<p>

"Hey another pokemon, I hope he doesnt try to hurt me." Umbreon mumbled to himself.

"HEY! HEY YOU! WAKE UP!" Umbreon yelled at the Gallade.

"WHO? WHAT? WHERE? WHEN? WHY? HOW?" the Gallade outbursted.

"Wah! Dont hurt me!" Umbreon screamed as he jumped back.

"What? You aint an enemy? I thought you was one of them..." the Gallade began.

"Of course I aint the enemy, what made you think that?" Umbreon asked.

"The knife you hid behind your back, thats poorly made." the Gallade answered.

"Curses..." Umbreon mumbled.

"Anyway, my name is King, I'm number 1 here at this village, but 'number 1' doesnt really mean sh!t, when theres only six of us left here," King paused, "Well, actually, including Sue theres seven, but she aint one of us. She just and outsider that came to our village."

"Ok, thank you for that discussion, that didnt really matter to me, King." Umbreon said afterward and walked away.

"WAIT!" King yelled at the Umbreon.

"What?" Umbreon replied.

"If you never came out of the sky, Toroko would of gave me the key... so that we could give back Sue." King said.

"Well, sorry, its not my fault that the floor crumbled from under my feet." Umbreon answered and walked away this time.

"Fatass..." King mumbled when Umbreon dissappeared from his sight.

"Hey, a sign! I wonder what it says!" Umbreon said Umbreon read out loud, "Up: Yamashita Farm, Left: Reservoir, Right: Cemetery, and Down: Arthur's House."

"Hmm... I'll try Yamashita Farm first..." he then bursted out laughing, "Ya-ma-SH!T-a Farm, THATS THE FUNNIEST NAME FOR A FARM EVER! WHAT DO THEY DO THERE? SH!T A LOT?"

He made his way upward and found the farm.

"TIME TO ENTER, WITH AWESOMENESS!" Umbreon shouted.

* * *

><p>Once he entered, his excitement decreased, "WHAT KIND OF A FARM IS THIS?" Umbreon asked.<p>

"A flower farm" a Sunflora answered him, "where we grow flowers."

"Well, no sh!t sherlock, I can tell." Umbreon snapped back.

"Flowers are our villagers main source of food, my job is to protect this farm..." the Sunflora said.

"What would you do, if I told you I was gonna destroy this farm?" Umbreon asked.

"Murder your worthless soul, why?" the Sunflora answered.

"Oh, no reason." Umbreon smiled.

"Anyway, there is this kind of badass flower that grants us power, known as the red flowers -" the Sunflora was interupted.

"Wait, these red flowers are badass? And you didnt tell me your name." Umbreon asked the Sunflora.

"Yes they are, and the name is Sandamie." Sandamie replied.

"Well, Sandamie tell me more about those red flowers, I also thought that pokemon didnt like to eat flowers." Umbreon smiled.

"Well, here all we eat is fish and flowers," Sandamie began, "the red flowers are flowers that make our blood pressure skyrocket and we die in an instant, if we eat them that is."

"WHO THE HELL CAME UP WITH THOSE FLOWERS?" Umbreon asked.

"Beats me, probally the person who ruled the island about... 100 years ago, a rumor passed on by my father." Sandamie answered.

Umbreon, scratching his ass at the time, "what was that, I didnt get that."

"Get out of here!" Sandamie yelled at him.

"Okay, just let me check out whats over there first, I have the sense of finding treasure and sh!t." Umbreon said.

"Okay..." Sandamie said dumbfolded, "Go up on ahead, but once you found what the #!%& you are sensing, GET THE #!%& OUT OF MAH FARM!"

"Got'cha." Umbreon said.

Umbreon pranced through the farm until he found water, "OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! WHY MUST WATER FOLLOW ME EVERY- Ooh, something shiny in the water."

Once Umbreon managed to get the object in the water, he opened the capsule and, just like the last one, it increased his life meter.

"MOTHER #!%&ING CAPSULE!" Umbreon raged as he somehow threw it at the Sunflora from over there, knocking him out.

"Oh well, I'm outta here." Umbreon said to himself.

* * *

><p>"Now, I'm going to try the cemetery, and t-bag people in their graves" Umbreon laughed.<p>

Umbreon made his way right from where he first read the sign with all the directions, and came across something that wasnt on the sign.

"Hmm... this is new..." Umbreon began, "I think I'll explore it and steal stuff, if there is anything to steal..."

He first read the sign that said, 'Assembly Hall'.

"Sounds like an important place... hopefully a lot of stuff to steal." Umbreon said.

He entered with an evil grin, but that quickly disappeared when he found there was nothing to steal.

"Wow... screw this area, I'm outta here." Umbreon said.

He exited the Assembly Hall and continued toward the Cemetery.

"**YOU! SHALL! NOT! PASS!**" a Scizor yelled at Umbreon.

"But why?" Umbreon whimpered.

"Because there are walking mushrooms all over the cemetery, I'm guarding the exit so that none can escape."

"Okay... well, see ya!" Umbreon said.

"Wait your fatass a moment!" the Scizor yelled at him.

"What?" Umbreon said.

"You didnt even ask my name, and sh!t." the Scizor said.

"I didnt? Okay, whats yo name?" Umbreon asked.

"The name is Jack, me is the number 2 in this village. In the Cemetery, our hero, Arthur, rests eternally in peace." Jack said.

Umbreon broke a tear, "That is so sad!"

"It is..." Jack broke into tears.

"Okay... now I'm definately out of here." Umbreon said.

* * *

><p>"Now, lets go try Arthur's House." Umbreon said.<p>

Umbreon made his way down and landed on a floating platform.

"WOAH, WHAT THE HELL?" Umbreon screamed.

He then noticed another, but smaller, platform not to far away and spotted a chest on the other side.

"Well, well, seems like my luck is changing..." Umbreon smirked.

Umbreon fell a lot of times, trying to get to the second platform, screaming like a girl a few times as well.

He finally managed to get up and opened the treasure chest, where he obtained the Map System.

On the Map System it wrote, "So as long as you always have a sense of exploration, you will someday find the way out. This is my hope."

"What a bunch of sh!t" Umbreon said as he read it, "but oh well, atleast I got a map."

He then made his way downward again, where he found a shack closest to him and Arthur's house, but he went to steal the stuff in the shack, if there was anything to steal.

"Nope nothing in here..." Umbreon said, disappointed.

He then exited the shack and wen toward Arthur's house, but the door was locked.

"God dammit, now the only place left to check is the Reservoir." Umbreon mumbled.

He made his way up and found a Munchlax in a small area eating some food.

"HEY! HEY MUNCHLAX THING! LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!" Umbreon yelled at the Munchlax.

The Munchlax choked on what he was eating, when he got startled by Umbreon.

Umbreon bursts into laughter when the Munchlax was turning blue and nearly died by suffercation.

When Umbreon calmed down the Munchlax was standing in front of him, and kicked him front in the face.

"WHAT THE F-" Umbreon said before he was cut off.

"AND DONT DO THAT AGAIN! YOU SICK BASTARD!" the Munchlax yelled at him.

* * *

><p>Somehow, the Munchlax's kick made Umbreon go right in front of the Reservoir entrance.<p>

"Oh... hey! The Reservoir entrance! Lucky me!" Umbreon cheered.

Once he entered he found a lot of water.

"CURSE YOU MY ARCHNEMESIS! FOLLOWING ME EVERYWHERE, YOU STALKER!" Umbreon raged.

Umbreon calmed down and found a Golduck fishing.

"Hi there, whats your name?" Umbreon asked.

"Yo... the name is Kenpachi," the Golduck answered.

"Kenpachi, can you tell me more information about this 'Sue' person?" Umbreon asked.

"You mean the cute girl who is hiding inside Arthur's house, Sue?" Kenpachi asked.

"I guess, yeah." Umbreon answered.

"She just recently came here, she fell into the Reservoir from over there" Kenpachi answered.

"Thats gotta hurt..." Umbreon said.

"Yes, but apparently, she's not very fond of us, it seems she hates everyone in the village, and on the island." Kenpachi finished.

"Hmm... I think Sue and I can be related!" Umbreon said.

"Ha! I highly doubt it." Kenpachi replied.

"Ooh, something shiny in the water. Me go get it!" Umbreon cheered as he dived into the water.

Umbreon picked up the shiny thing and killed a shiny Magikarp in the process.

Once out of the water he examined the object he found.

"Its... in the shape of a fish, and is very rusty, MUST BE WORTH A LOT OF MONEY!" Umbreon cheered.

Umbreon made his way back to the exit and came across Toroko.

"Waaaaaaa!" Toroko screamed.

"Hey wait! I wont hurt you, if you dont hurt me!" Umbreon yelled at Toroko.

* * *

><p>"Gimme the key! And I promise, no one will get taken away from this village again." King yelled at Toroko.<p>

"NO!" Toroko said as she ran off toward the shack.

"Grrr... Toroko! DONT UNDERESTIMATE ME!" King yelled.

Umbreon just shrugged and went toward the shack.

* * *

><p>"Ohh... Toroko... where are you...? I wont hurt you..." Umbreon called out.<p>

Umbreon walked in further and Toroko tried to do a sneak attack.

"YOU JERK!" Toroko yelled out, grabbing a stick.

This scared the sh!t out of Umbreon and quickly used swift on Toroko.

"HELP ME! OH HELP ME!" Toroko shrieked.

"I think I just did... short stuff." Umbreon said as he helped up Toroko.

"Uh? Your not the Doctor?" Toroko asked.

"Doctor? I dont even know anything medical." Umbreon answered.

"Oh, sorry 'bout that, the Doctor is such an evil and cruel bi%ch. He... he killed my older brother... Arthur, a Latios." Toroko said.

"I can tell, since your a Latias and hes a Latios, it makes a lot of sense." Umbreon said.

"Yeah... but, Hey! That pendant! Did you pick it up for me?" Toroko asked.

"Ummm... yes?" Umbreon guessed.

"Sue gave that to me, but I dont want it anymore, you can keep it." Toroko said kindly.

"Gee, thanks!" Umbreon said happily.

"King gets bent out of shape when he Sue and I get along." Toroko finally mentioned.

"Good to know..." Umbreon mumbled.

Then there was some footsteps coming from outside.

"OH YEEAAHH!" a Salamence said as he broke through the door.

"Oh my god! Its the Kool-Aid Man!" Umbreon screamed

"I HAS FOUND YOU!" the Salamence roared, "Its no use hiding from me, I have the nose of a Herdier!"

"Indeed" came another voice.

A Mew teleported out of no where and landed right in front of the Salamence.

"Yes, he has the nose AND the brain of a dog." she said.

"Misery! I found her first!" the Salamence roared.

"YOU TWO IS WITH THE DOCTOR!" Toroko screamed.

"Ah, you must be Sue, the great Doctor has summoned you. Come along now." Misery said.

"What? But I'm not Sue." Toroko replied.

Misery then used a bubble and captured Toroko inside of it.

"Now, thats a way to travel..." Umbreon said as he stared.

"Balrog, I leave the rest to you." Misery said, as she and Toroko vanished.

"IM THE WRONG PERSON! I TOLD YOU!" Toroko shrieked.

"NOT THIS AGAIN! I ALWAYS GOTTA CLEAN UP! And I'm the one who found her, not Misery." Balrog mumbled.

"Okay... and I care why?" Umbreon asked.

"What's your problem? You gonna fight me with that little pea shooter?" Balrog asked.

"HOW DARE YOU QUESTION THE POWER OF SWIFT!" Umbreon screamed as he instantly owned Balrog.

"I'll remember this!" Balrog yelled before he disappeared.

* * *

><p>"Hmm... I think I'll go talk to Jack again..." Umbreon mumbled, "I hope he cheered up a bit..."<p>

Umbreon made his way back to Jack, and he was still standing in front of the Cemetery.

"Hey Jack!" Umbreon said.

"Yes?" Jack replied.

"What if I told you that, Toroko has been kidnapped?" Umbreon asked.

"SHE HAS? THATS TERRIBLE! I MUST INFORM KING RIGHT AWAY!" Jack said.

"Heh...heh... It worked..." Umbreon began, "NOW TO T-BAG PEOPLE IN THEIR GRAVES!"

* * *

><p>Umbreon entered the Cemetery, and to his surprise, there were Foongus everywhere and a Scyther standing there.<p>

"Well, Jack wasnt kidding, there really are mushrooms everywhere!" Umbreon said.

Umbreon killed the Foongus in one hit, but the Scyther was a bit of a challenge.

"WHY YOU NO DIE?" Umbreon asked.

"Because you suck!" the Scyther said.

"YOU BASTARD!" Umbreon said as he grabbed the Scyther and ripped out his heart.

Umbreon then found more Foongus and an Amoongus.

"Great... more mushroom freaks of nature..." Umbreon mumbled.

By simplily spamming swift, he took out all the remaining mushrooms and found Arthur's grave.

"HEY ANOTHER SHINY THING!" Umbreon cheered.

Umbreon found, and held up Arthur's Key which can allow him to access Arthur's house.

"Alright!" Umbreon cheered as he exited the Cemetery.

* * *

><p>Umbreon made his way, back to Arthur's house, and stopping for revenge on the Munchlax on the way.<p>

A few hours later, he got to Arthur's house and used the key.

He finally entered the household.

* * *

><p><em>Wow... two days after the story has been uploaded... NEW RECORD FOR ME! Anyway, Umbreon loves shiny things and can easily make friends with certain people... that doesnt get mad at him...<em>

_To be continued... in the next chapter._


	3. A Corridor of Eggs Part 1

_Well... plan for this month: Work on Poké Story until end of month, probally gonna complete two chapters or so... during Easter Break I'll be playing Kid Icarus Uprising (GREAT GAME). Next month I'll work on What It's Really Like In MarioKart 7._  
><em>Anyway, begin the chapter... of AWESOMENESS!<em>

_Oh and just so you guys know, you'll find out who he has been asking questions to when there was no one around._

* * *

><p><strong><span>Poké Story: Chapter 3: A Corridor of Eggs Part 1.<span>**

* * *

><p>"Well... this is very sh!tty... THERE IS NO ONE IN HERE BUT ME!" Umbreon said.<p>

"Oh well... I have an entire house to- WHAT THE #!%& IS THIS SH!T?" he asked.

He looked straight ahead where he found a computer, some broken equipment and a teleporter that currently has no permission to teleport.

"Hmm... I'll try the second floor..." Umbreon said as he looked up.

He got up to the right side of the second floor where he found a PC that restores your health and a save point.

"Umm... this place is so boring!" Umbreon said, "I WANT TO SEE SOMETHING DIFFERENT!"

Umbreon made his way pass the teleporter and found the left side of the second floor and a basement.

He went up to the second floor where he found two beds and a bookshelf.

"These people are certainly civilized..." Umbreon said.

Umbreon then made his way to the basement, where he found his...

"MOTHER #!%&ING NEMESIS!" Umbreon screamed.

He managed to swim across the water, about 15 tries later.

Once across, he found some flowers and red pedals are over the floor.

"No... dont tell me... THAT THEY ARE HERE!" Umbreon said, shocked.

"Le sh!t, now I gotta make my way back to the other side of the water... HOLY DAMN I SAID SOMETHING FRENCH!" Umbreon said.

He made his way across the water again, but according to water physics these days, he 'drowned' 10 times.

"I...finally... MADE IT!" Umbreon said.

"Now, to the teleporter!" Umbreon yelled, proudly.

He got to the teleporter, but he forgot it had no permission to teleport.

"MOTHER F- Hey! Whats that on the computer over there?" Umbreon asked his imaginary friend, a Vaporeon.

"DONT TURN AWAY FROM ME, MISSEY!" Umbreon screamed, when she turned around.

The Vaporeon then stuck her tougue out at him, causing him to get fairly pissed off.

"THATS IT! YOUR #!%&ING SCREWED NOW! BI%CH!" Umbreon raged, "PREPARE TO MEET- shiny words on the computer... must read them..."

He read aloud, "Kazuma: but, just so you know, if I get to that point, I'll do it..." Umbreon paused, "WHO THE HELL IS KAZUMA?"

He then noticed something else and read it out loud, "Allow teleportation to Egg Corridor?"

"A corridor... filled with eggs..." Umbreon paused, "Hmmm... I am getting pretty hungry, maybe I'll go and take one... or two..."

He selected yes, and went to the teleporter, and teleported off to Egg Corridor.

* * *

><p>"This aint the normall, everyday, Egg Corridor... this is, an advanced Egg Corridor..." Umbreon said in awe.<p>

Instantly, his treasure senses kicked in and it seemed it was coming from underneath him.

He found a Bisharp above him.

"Hi, I'm an Umbreon, and you are?" Umbreon said to the Bisharp.

"...A dark type pokémon like you... idiot," the Bisharp began, "Oh, and you should watch out for the Slowpoke moving back and forth on the bottom, its touch is very deadly."

"Ok, but I asked you what kind of pokémon you is, and how the hell do I get to the bottom?" Umbreon asked.

"...I'm a mother #!%&ing Bisharp ya moron, and there is a way down from close behind from the teleporter, but I cant go through it 'cause of business with the pokémon at the village" the Bisharp said.

"I welcomed myself to that village, I cant get back to where I started anyway..." Umbreon said, "But thanks for your help."

He made his way down and found the Slowpoke, not moving slow, but very fast.

"Oh... sh!t, this may be hard... I wonder if I can kill it" Umbreon said.

Umbreon tried hitting it with the move swift, but it didnt do anything.

"Dammit, now it will be a lot harder to get to the treasure I'm sensing... but what the hell, whats the worst that can hap-"

...Umbreon is dead... TIME PARADOX! AGAIN! Want to retry? Yes/No.

* * *

><p>"-pen..." Umbreon finished, when he got teleported to that empty, nearly pitch black room.<p>

"HOW THE #!%& CAN A SLOWPOKE BE SO DEADLY?" Umbreon asked the Vaporeon who slapped him across the face.

"DONT QUESTION! JUST DO THE SH!T AND BE DONE WITH IT!" Vaporeon said, but _only_ able to actually speak in the nearly black room.

Umbreon just shrugged and pushed the 'yes' button.

Umbreon, now back at Egg Corridor, made a second attempt to get the treasure he was sensing.

He luckily made it and found...

"WHAT THE #!%&? THESE STUPID CAPSULES DONT TO SH!T BUT INSTEAD THEY RAISE MY HEALTH!" Umbreon raged.

Umbreon once again threw it away and somehow knocked out the Slowpoke.

"... that works... I guess..." Umbreon said.

Umbreon continued his way through Egg Corridor and instantly found a Rhyhorn.

"Well, this is a rock _hard _pokémon, I wonder if I can kick its ass, with my swift..." Umbreon mumbled and then paused, "WHAT THE #!%& ARE YOU STARING AT?" he asked Vaporeon.

"Who, me? Nothing. Just at your senseless, little, pathetic ASS! MOTHER #!%&ER!" Vaporeon replied.

"HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT TO ME YOU BI%CH!" Umbreon raged.

"What are you gonna do about it?" Vaporeon asked, sticking her tougue out after.

"KICK YOUR ASS!" Umbreon yelled, as he used swift.

Expectedly, it had no effect on Vaporeon, it went right through her, like she is a _ghost_, but no, she is just an imaginary friend.

"Why cant I think right?" Umbreon asked.

"Because you dont have a mind!" Vaporeon replied.

"Oh really? I have a mind right here, sister!" Umbreon yelled back at her.

"Oh yeah? Show me!" Vaporeon said.

"Your making a big mistake..." Umbreon said as he took out his mind somehow.

"Well, I guess I was wrong, and I just killed him..." Vaporeon said.

Vaporeon turned around, and saw the Rhyhorn staring at the moment.

Vaporeon gave it the imaginary middle finger and disappeared.

...Umbreon died by a mind trick... MINDBLOWING! Want to retry? Yes/No.

* * *

><p>"I SWEAR, THE NEXT TIME I SEE HER, I'M GONNA KICK HER #!%&amp;ING ASS!" Umbreon raged.<p>

"I cant believe you fell for that!" Vaporeon laughed, "Even a one month old baby wouldnt do that."

"Because they are too dumb, to figure out what you are saying to them!" Umbreon snapped back.

Vaporeon gasped at this, he actually said something _smart_.

"Whats the matter? Surprised or something? Shocked?" Umbreon asked.

"You said something _wise_. Yes, a little. And no, I'm not shocked" Vaporeon said.

"What does wise mean?" Umbreon asked, as his stupidity came back.

"Ugh, never mind, just continue on with the adventure!" Vaporeon roared.

"Oh yeah, right! I got sidetracked!" Umbreon said.

"I wonder why..." Vaporeon said sarcastically.

Umbreon pressed the 'yes' button and went back to Egg Corridor.

* * *

><p>Umbreon, now back at the beginning of Egg Corridor, for the thrid time, will probally die of a heart attack when it may come to that part.<p>

"Now, I must kick the frickin' Rhyhorn's ass so then I will actually be further then I was last time" Umbreon mumbled.

He quickly tried to tackle it, but ended up hurting himself.

"Ow..." Umbreon moaned.

"Before I forget, and I forget a lot, I gonna check the Map System" Umbreon paused, "How did I remember that?"

Unbreon checked the Map System and then looked up.

"HOLY MOTHER #!%&ING SH!T!" he yelled.

His yell was so loud it made all the enemies fall unconscious or kill themselves.

"Umm... what just happened?" Umbreon asked.

"You yelled and killed every enemy in front of you! That's what happened!" Vaporeon yelled at him.

"Shaweet! Now to move on without fear!" Umbreon said happily.

He walked on through Egg Corridor and some Ledyba attacked him.

"Wait, I thought my super-awesome-mega-yell killed all the enemies!" Umbreon raged.

"We Ledybas have protected ears from super-awesome-mega-yells, bi%ch!" a Ledyba said.

"Ya, you suck compared to us!" the other Ledyba said.

"WHY YOU BASTARDS!" Umbreon raged, ripping out their tiny heads.

"Explain to me how you did that" Vaporeon said, shocked.

"Explain to you what now?" Umbreon asked.

"Ugh, never mind..." Vaporeon groaned.

Umbreon then came across some Rattatas that apparently are differently colored.

"What the hell? Why do they change color and I dont?" Umbreon asked.

"I guess its because the scenery changed?" Vaporeon guessed.

"Whatever. I'm taking these idiots DOWN!" Umbreon said.

Right when he said that, all the Rattata's in the area came at hi and starting mauling on him.

"I'LL SCREAM RAPE!" Umbreon yelled.

"RA-" Umbreon got caught off when a Rattata bit his nose.

Umbreon then began spamming swift and managed to kill the Rattatas and found a huge pole in the way.

"Great... a pole... I must try to atleast get over it..." Umbreon grumbled.

Umbreon tried getting over the pole, and failed many times.

Once on top of the pole, he found an Oshawott and Machamp.

When he tried to approach the Oshawott...

"THERE you are, you monster!" the Oshawott began, "You dont scare me!"

"GRRRRRAWR!" the Machamp roared.

"What! YOU want some of this?" Oshawott asked.

"Ooh, this is getting good!" Umbreon said, grabbing a bag of popcorn.

"Take yo best shot! Even my big bro never beat me!"

The Machamp instantly owned the poor Oshawott, and punched the daylights outta her.

"Ouch! You got me!" Oshawott cried.

The Machamp punched her again.

"Sorry! I'M SORRY!" Oshawott cried louder.

The Machamp punched her so hard that she went flying back.

"Oohh..." the Oshawott moaned.

Umbreon stopped eating his popcorn.

"Huh? Who the hell are you?" the Oshawott asked.

The Machamp took chance at this and grabbed the Oshawott and carried it away.

"Harsh, much?" Umbreon said.

Umbreon was staring directly where the Machamp once was, while not moving a muscle.

"HEY! WAKE UP!" Vaporeon yelled.

"WHO? WHAT? WHERE? WHEN? OW!" Umbreon said.

Vaporeon slapped him across the face.

"Get yourself together!" Vaporeon said, "You gotta save that _young_ girl!"

"What girl?" Umbreon asked idiotically.

"Ok... that Oshawott!" Vaporeon said.

"THAT OSHAWOTT WAS A GIRL?" Umbreon outbursted.

"Yeah..." Vaporeon said.

"No wonder she was so easily taken down..." Umbreon mumbled.

"GET BACK TO THE ADVETURE!" Vaporeon said.

"Oh yeah... right" Umbreon said.

Umbreon continued to make his way throught Egg Corridor, when his treasure senses kicked in.

"Hmm... treasure is near... but where?" Umbreon said.

Umbreon's treasure senses, sensed the treasure was above him, so he had to make his way up.

He found a door in the middle of nowhere and entered it.

He quickly saved his game and went up the the second floor.

"Well, this is highly unusual" an Uxie said to Umbreon.

"What is?" Umbreon asked.

"You're a soldier from the surface are you not?" the Uxie asked, "Where is your pink pal?"

"Surface? Soldier? Me? Pink Pal?" Umbreon asked.

"I guess you lost your memory... heh heh..." the Uxie said.

"Memory...?" Umbreon asked.

Vaporeon slapped him across the face.

"What did you do to yourself?" the Uxie asked.

"I DIDNT DO ANYTHING TO ME, SHE DID IT!" Umbreon yelled, pointing at a wall.

"Uh... ok?" the Uxie said.

Umbreon looked up and saw that there was a third and fourth floor.

"Well, I guess you better wander around until the batteries run out..." the Uxie said as Umbreon went up to the thrid floor.

Umbreon got up and found a door, which led him to the treasure he was sensing.

Once Umbreon got out of there, the treasure was on the other side of the platform he was on, that was close the the _roof_ and very far from the floor.

He made an attempt to jump to the platform, but he hurt his head and fell down.

"WHY CANT I HAVE A MAGNET?" Umbreon asked.

"Because that would be cheating" Vaporeon pointed out.

"Geez, cheating aint that bad" Umbreon said.

Umbreon got back up there and made a second attempt.

This time he made it to the small platform between the two larger platforms and almost made it the the other side.

On his third try he made it the the other side, by actually trying.

He found another capsule, and just like the last few, it raised his life.

"WHAT THE #!%&!" Umbreon raged, "I HATE THESE STUPID CAPSULES THAT ARE ALWAYS DOING NOTHING BUT RAISING MY HEALTH!"

He threw it away just like the others and continued on...

In Part 2.

* * *

><p><em>Ok... longer than expected... Kid Icarus: Uprising, MOTHER #!%&amp;ING AWESOME!<em>

_And I know a may have messed around with some physics and stuff, but they are made to be broken._

_And I would also appreciate some reviews. Y`know, tell what you guys think and all that crap._ ^-^


	4. A Corridor of Eggs Part 2

So..._ I did have Wordpad all this time! WHAT THE #!%&! Oh well, atleast it actually spaces out my stuff, and has margins..._

_Anyway, it may be a little different... meh, not really. _

_Anyways, I have been #!%&ing around with some side stuff, and maybe get carried away with it... but its very fun. Also all my plans for this story, was washed out! I spent at least 5 hours trying to remember them! I GO KILL MYSELF! *Jumps off cliff*_

_*Faaaaaaaaaalllllling~"_

_*Breaks mah legs* ...On with Part 2... ow._

* * *

><p><strong>Pok<strong>**é Story: Chapter 3.5: A Corridor of Eggs Part 2.**

* * *

><p>Umbreon began to make his way through Egg Corridor again, and found out there were more Ledybas that may insult him.<p>

"YOU LEDYBAS CAN EAT MY SH!T!" Umbreon yelled.

"Umm... No, we wont eat YOUR sh!t, YOU can eat ours!" a Ledyba snapped at him, sh!ting on his head.

"THAT DOES IT! YOU ARE NOW NUMBER TWO ON MY TO-KILL LIST! Aside from Vaporeon..." Umbreon screamed.

"You cant kill an imaginary friend" Vaporeon pointed out, as Umbreon was (somehow) picking his nose.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" Umbreon asked.

"Oh, nothing. Just being helpful" Vaporeon said cheerfully.

"Oh really now? What are you helping me with?" Umbreon asked.

"I are helping you on this adventure, by doing: blah blah blah blah blah... and all that other stuff, also I do- ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?" Vaporeon shrieked.

"Huh? What now? I missed whatever you just said" Umbreon said, turning his head away from his Nintendo 3DS.

Vaporeon had a major spasm and then she freaked out, grabbing Umbreon by the throat and hold him up, over the Slowpoke's trail of DEATH!

"GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON WHY I SHOULDN'T DROP YOU TO YOUR DOOM!" Vaporeon yelled at him, "YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS!"

"I have plot protection, and whenever I die, I just - ACK!" Umbreon whimpered.

"TIME'S UP! SAY GOOD-BYE TO YOUR EXISTENCE!"

"YOU ARE NOW ON MY TO-KILL LIST FOR AN ETERNITY!" Umbreon yelled as he fell to his death, again.

Vaporeon heard Umbreon scream as he _fell to his death_, Vaporeon looked down and saw Umbreon screaming and squirming like a baby on a platform just above the Slowpoke.

"Uhhh... Umbreon?"

"What?"

"Your not falling anymore... sadly" Vaporeon sighed.

"I'm not? AWESOME!"

"HEY LOSER! EAT MAH SH!T!" a random Ledyba yelled from above.

Umbreon stared with an expression so ugly, it cant be explained.

About 15 minutes later, Umbreon managed to crawl back up and became paranoid of sh!tting, "I cant stand the fact that you allowed THAT to happen to ya" Vaporeon muttered.

"SHUT UP! IT WAS COMPLETELY UNEXPECTED!"

"Anyway, shouldnt you be exploring this place again? I mean, come on man, save the #!%&ing Oshawott" Vaporeon said.

"Exploring what place now?" Umbreon asked, facing a wall.

Vaporeon lost her mind and kicked him all the way to the Egg Observation Room, which was equal to traveling past 6 eggs, from where they were standing.

"YAY! Another room! I hope they have some food in there!" Umbreon cheered.

Umbreon entered and found a sh!tload of PCs on each and every floor, and a save point to the right from where he is standing.

"I sense treasure..." Umbreon muttered, "But where is it?"

Umbreon had no idea of how the hell to get up to the treasure, so he first saved his game and went to figure out a way.

Umbreon found to PCs that stated "Flying Dragon Egg 08 and 09. Egg Stasis : Normal."

"The #!%& is this sh!t?"

Umbreon then found a way to the bottom floor but then heard a creeking noise coming from above.

Umbreon looked up and his eyes bulged when he saw an elevator coming down from above him. Umbreon's head was squished aganist the wall and flattened far to greatly for a doctor to heal it and he died in an instant.

...Umbreon died by getting squished by an elevator... Why bother say Time Paradox? Want to retry? Yes/No.

* * *

><p>"<strong>WHAT THE #!%&amp;! WHY MUST I GET KILLED ALL THE #!%&amp;ING TIME, AND YOU DONT GET HURT AT ALL?<strong>" Umbreon raged when he appeared in the nearly pitch black room again.

"Maybe its because you are too stupid to dodge something so slow that its too hilarious to watch?" Vaporeon guessed.

"Could be... or the fact that I had too much vodka when I was really having the time of my life."

Vaporeon stared for a moment, then slapped Umbreon across the face.

"I'VE BEEN BI%CH SLAPPED!" Umbreon said proudly.

"Say that again, and I will make your life miserble" Vaporeon grumbled.

"YOU ALREADY DO!" Umbreon said.

"...More miserble."

"Mommy..." Umbreon whimpered.

* * *

><p>Now back at the Egg Observation Room, Umbreon managed to make his way to the bottom floor where he found some potions just lying around and seven PCs.<p>

"Well... it appears two of the seven PCs are different..." Umbreon said, observing the red screened ones. "I apparently need to investigate these two eggs... AND EAT THEM!"

"Good observation there, Captain Obvious, now can we get going?"

"**NO! I! MUST! GET! THE! STINKING! TREASURE! FIRST! BI%CH!**" Umbreon said, not knowing why he yelled every single word he just said.

"Okay, calm your left nut" Vaporeon groaned.

Umbreon stared at her for a moment, "What did you just say?"

"Nothing."

"Really? I could have sworn I heard you say something."

Vaporeon slapped him across the face again. "You were saying?"

"I... dont... remember..." Umbreon said, walking into a wall.

"Good, now you can go get that treasure you was speaking about."

"What treasure, where now?" Umbreon asked.

"Heres a hint: Go _die_ in a hole" Vaporeon muttered.

"But I didnt see a hole, not ever once in this god damn place!"

"Well, then dig a hole!"

"But I dont know the move dig!" Umbreon complained as they made their way to an elevator.

Just as Umbreon made his way up to the second floor, his treasure senses kicked back in and he waited for the elevator to carry him up to the third floor.

"What the hell is up with the PCs in this place? I mean, I like robbing people, but this is rediculous!" Umbreon complained again.

"Shut up! Already!" Vaporeon yelled.

"I think I see the chest!" Umbreon cheered.

Umbreon raced up to the chest and obtained the move Double Edge!

"Hey! There's also a note in there!" Vaporeon said, reaching into the chest.

She handed the note to Umbreon and he read aloud: "This move is a powerful move, but has limited PP, collect Ethers from fallen enemies to restore the PP."

"I hate moves like this!" Umbreon said.

"Well, atleast you can now go see what is in those eggs" Vaporeon said.

"Yeah! And eat them!" Umbreon said with an evil grin.

* * *

><p>Umbreon somehow managed to get inside of <em>Egg 06,<em> and found another treasure chest, where he obtained the ID Card.

"The hell am I supposed to do with this?" he asked.

"I guess you gotta find a terminal somewhere?" Vaporeon guessed.

"Where in the _universe_ would I find something like that?" Umbreon stupidly asked.

"Uhh... I dont know."

Umbreon then began to make his way to _Egg 01_. Along the way he got attacked by more Ledybas and some Ledians.

"**WHAT THE #!%& AM I GONNA DO WITH THOSE STUPID LEDIANS AND MOTHER #!%&ING LEDYBAS?**" Umbreon raged, as he entered _Egg 01_ with some Rattatas mauling on him.

Umbreon quickly used Double Edge on them and collected a potion and an ether.

"Hey! Look Umbreon, theres a terminal! I wonder if that ID Card you found in _Egg 06 _will work in this terminal?" Vaporeon said, turning to Umbreon who was gnawing on the inside of the egg.

"Wait, why is there a terminal inside an egg anyway?" Umbreon asked.

"Because the programers decided on doing that! Now just shut up and insert the ID Card into my ass! I mean the terminal" Vaporeon said, gleefully.

"Uhh... wait, did you say I have to shove it up your ass?" Umbreon asked suspiciously.

"...N-No I didnt" Vaporeon said, smiling.

"Oh. Okay, now to put this stinkin' ID Card into the terminal and see what it does."

"Umbreon?"

"Yes?"

"Thats a halloween party card you recieved for no good reason" Vaporeon said, facepalming.

"Really? Oh, crap! A HALLOWEEN PARTY! WHEN AND WHERE?" Umbreon freaked out.

Vaporeon slapped him across the face, took the ID Card from his magic bag that doesnt appear to be there in the first place, and inserted it into the terminal.

Umbreon, about half conscious read aloud, "Shield removed."

"A shield? I didnt see a shield in this place yet" Vaporeon said, "Did you?"

"I think my nose is dislocated..." Umbreon said, holding his nose.

* * *

><p>About half an hour later, Umbreon and his imaginary sidekick, managed to find the shield that lead to the Boss.<p>

"I think you face the boss right about now" Vaporeon guessed.

"What makes you think that?" Umbreon asked.

"Well, for starters we are at the end of this place, and there's that Machamp again" Vaporeon pointed out.

"I FACE THE FRACKING BOSS NOW? OH MAH GAWD! NO WAI!" Umbreon screamed.

As Umbreon approached the Machamp it noticed them instantly.

"GRRRRRAWWWR... Professor's very important test eggs... VERY IMPORTANT!" the Machamp began, "I WON'T LET YOU BI%CHES NEAR THEM!"

Umbreon peed his pants, if he was wearing any.

The Machamp charged at him trying to Dynamic Punch him in the face, but Umbreon noticed something shiny and went pick it up, causing the Machamp to trip over him and fall face first on the ground.

Umbreon srceamed in horror when he turned around, "ITS RAINING MACHAMPS!"

The Machamp got up quickly and fired a small amount of Aura Spheres, that came out of his mouth.

"WHAT THE HELL!" Umbreon bursts out, "HOW THE HELL CAN YOU DO THAT FROM YOUR MOUTH?"

"Try shutting yo trap! BEFORE YOU GET OWNED!" the Machamp roared.

"Okay, YOU JUST SAID YOUR FINAL WORD!" Umbreon said, using a combination of swift and double edge.

This somehow cause the Machamp the roar out a loud, and painful roar.

The Machamp was getting tired out, which means Umbreon could finish it with one last double edge.

Umbreon used double edge! IT OBLITERATED THE MACHAMP!

"HA HA! SUCK MAH BALLZ BI%CH!" Umbreon said, t-bagging the Machamp as it turned into a Machop.

Some random voice yelled, "You defeated Igor!"

"Well, I guess I should go find that Oshawott now" Umbreon muttered.

"Whew, that was fun!" Vaporeon said as she came out of nowhere.

"WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU?" Umbreon srceamed, "I HAD TO FACE THE BOSS ALL BY MYSELF!"

"I was at a place where you would most definately love! Not like I would be much help though..." Vaporeon said happily.

"Really? IS IT A STRIPPING CLUB?" Umbreon said energetically.

"Uhh... yes, if you were to-"

"I KNEW IT!"

"Knew what?" Vaporeon sweatdropped.

"That you are a stripper!"

Vaporeon turned dangerously red and slapped him across the face until he stopped moving.

* * *

><p>Vaporeon dragged the unconscious Umbreon into the room that said <em>Egg No. 00<em>.

Vaporeon noticed the Oshawott, computer and the huge egg in the back part of the room.

Vaporeon examined the egg first, and it was in perfect condition. She then read the what it said on the computer: "Flying Dragon Egg No. 00. Hatching preparations complete. Input password:"

Umbreon then came to, and found the Oshawott waking up at the same time.

"Oh mah god! Are you okay?" Umbreon asked the Oshawott.

"...Uuggh" the Oshawott sprang up, "Woah there! I aint finished yet, motha #!%&er! I'm gonna take it serious now!"

"Uhh... excuse me?" Umbreon said timidly.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT? Huh? Wait a minute... are you that black pokemon who appeared out of nowhere when I got carried away by that sexual preditor?" Oshawott asked.

"That is racist, and I didnt know he was a sexual preditor. Also, I beat that monster" Umbreon proudly said.

"...Did you actually save me?" Oshawott asked.

"Uh... what would you say if I said yes? and No?"

"If you said no, I would say that your no help. If yes, dont get me started..." Oshawott proclaimed.

"Okay, then I didnt save you, cause the fact that I'm supposed to defeat these random bosses and that thing you just said about me being no help, is true" Umbreon said, gasping for breath afterward.

"... Okay?"

"Is there something wrong?"

"Not really. Well... the fact that I need to get off of this island is the thing I'm worried about. I came here to find the eggs!" Oshawott explained.

"I see your problem..." Umbreon assumed.

"No, thats only half of it..." the Oshawott said, "I'm not really supposed to be an Oshawott..."

"Then what are you supposed to be?" Umbreon asked.

"Im supposed to be a Snivy... a shiny one..." Oshawott explained, "I was turned into this horrible form by that witch!"

"A witch? Or a bi%ch?"

"THAT WITCH **IS **A BI%CH!" Oshawott yelled.

"Rhyming these days..." Umbreon sighed.

"Anyway, my name is Sue." Sue said walking over to the computer to check the egg conditon.

"Nice to meet you Sue, I'm Umbreon."

"I can see that, but what is your real name?" Sue wondered.

"Uhhhh... I cant remember that crap."

"Really now? You cant remember you _own_ name?"

"That seems to be the case" Umbreon said.

"A password... DAMMIT!" Sue yelled.

"What?" Umbreon asked.

"I need a password to hatch this egg... if only my brother was here... he would fix everything."

"Your brother wouldnt happen to be Kazuma? Would it?" Umbreon timidly asked.

"OMG! HOW THE HELL DID YOU KNOW THAT?" Sue outbursted.

"I dunno, lucky guess... oh wait, he was trying to get your attention on that computer at Arthur's house" Umbreon remembered.

"Really now? I guess I'll go see what he wants."

"Your leaving me here?" Umbreon whined.

"Are you _even _from here? Those letters on your cap dont match the language here..." Sue began, "Okay, I guess you can come with me, but in return, your gonna have to help me."

"I'M WEARING A CAP? OH MAH GAWD! I JUST NOTICED! I HAS A HAT!"

"Umbreon just shut up!"

"Okay..." Umbreon said, disappointed

Sue left the room and left Umbreon alone with Vaporeon, who was currently sleeping in the corner of the room.

"I'm just gonna ditch her..." Umbreon said as he slowly creeped to the door.

* * *

><p><em>Okay, Since Umbreon went through Egg Corridor once, he doesnt really wanna do it again, so I'll skip the entire part of Umbreon going back through the Corridor. CUE THE TIME JUMP!<em>

* * *

><p><strong>15 hours later...<strong>

"I FINALLY MADE IT THROUGH THAT GOD DAMN PLACE! NOW TO GOT THROUGH THAT TELEPORTER!" Umbreon screamed.

When he got on the teleporter, a whole bunch of Ledybas and Ledians came out of nowhere and tried attacking him.

* * *

><p> Connecting to network... /

/ Logged on. /

/ Starting IM Chat. /

Sue: Kazuma?

Sue: Are you there?

Sue: you okay?

Kazuma: Sue?

Kazuma: Is that really you, Sue?

Sue: Yeah, its me.

Sue: Sue Sakamoto, your sis.

Sue: So, you were able to escape too?

Sue: Where are you now?

Sue: I found the dragon eggs.

Sue: Is mom with you?

Kazuma: The door is #!%&ing jammed and I cant get outta here!

Kazuma: I'm still in a shelter-looking sorta room.

Kazuma: By the way, the code you need to teleport is "Bushlands".

Kazuma: Try searching from your end.

Kazuma: And no, mom isnt with me.

Kazuma: I'm afraid she might still be with the damn doctor.

Kazuma: Are any dragon eggs ready to hatch yet?

Sue: I found one thats near hatching.

Sue: But it is locked up with a password.

Sue: Can we do something about that?

/ Retrieving information from Kazuma... /

/ Complete. /

/ Location: Bushlands Structure D. /

/ Looking for functional teleporters... /

/ Teleporter: Preparing connection with Bushlands... /

Sue: Anyway, I'm on my way to go help you.

Sue: Just stay right where you are.

Kazuma: Rodger that!

Kazuma: and do me a favor, bring some food on your way -.

/ User "Sue" has disconnected. /

Kazuma: DAMMIT!

/ IM Chat Ended. /

* * *

><p>"... IS THAT BOY READY YET?" Sue yelled.<p>

Then, King and Jack came through the door.

"Welcome back, I've been waiting..." King said.

"Now what? I'm busy, dammit."

"Toroko has been taken to the doctor!"

"WHAT?" Sue shrieked.

"And we are holding YOU responsible for this event!" Jack added.

King walked over to Sue and grabbed her.

"LET GO OF ME! I'LL SCREAM RAPE!" Sue yelled.

"I'd like to see you try..." King said.

"**RAAAAAAAAAAAAPE!**"

Just once they left, Umbreon came through the teleporter, "I heard rape!" he said.

* * *

><p><em>FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! I FINISHED THIS CHAPTER! I Had major fun with this part of the story involving stuff... and it may be the last update until June...<em>

_By the way, I need a move for the Fireball weapon, the move I chose, doesnt really make sense..._


	5. Chapter 4 or 5?

_As from idiocy and supreme thought, I have found the perfect move for the Fireball weapon (As you'll all soon know). Anyway, all I can say is: Prepare for some stupidity!_

* * *

><p><strong>Pok<strong>**é Story: Chapter 4 or 5: Fracking Around the Village, the Cowardly Loner & Shiny Bunny.**

* * *

><p>"Well... I wonder what the hell to do" Umbreon wondered.<p>

"You could try talking to me" Jack randomly said.

"Where the #!%& did you come from?"

"I was standing here, watching you for the past 30 minutes."

"Really? I was sitting here, wondering the meaning of life."

"Enough of your stupidity! Do you know why I'm here?" Jack asked.

"Are you saying _I'm_ stupid? I guess I outta get my M16 machine gun out!" Umbreon yelled.

"You dont have a machine gun, and you didnt answer my question."

"Dammit, I've been found out!" Umbreon shrieked, running into a wall, "Oh, and I dont know why your here."

"I'm here, cause you probally forgot what your supposed to do, and due to the fact that the programmers made me stay here, is because of some random sh!t happened over there.

"Well, I guess theres one thing to do!" Umbreon proclaimed.

"And that is?"

Umbreon instantly tackled Jack to the floor and punched him to the face mercilessly, "**HOW! ABOUT! I! GIVE! **_**YOU**_**! SOMETHING! IMPORTANT! TO! SAY! TO! YOUR! FACE!**"

Jack couldnt respond because his face was badly bruised, and his skull was probally fractured.

Umbreon gave up about 20 minutes later, as his _fists_ were covered in blood, or pokémon blood, or whatever the hell it is! He exited Arthur's house and heard someone scream.

* * *

><p>"LET ME OUTTA HERE RIGHT NOW!" Sue yelled.<p>

"SHUT YOUR #!%&ING TRAP!" King snapped at her, "Toroko has been taken by mistake because of you!"

"Me? What the hell did I do?" Sue asked.

"Being a sissy little bi%ch who hides in a locked up house, until recent events."

"Okay... but what if -"

"One way, or a #!%&ing another, I will hand you over to them! Literally!"

"I HATE YOU!" Sue yelled.

"If Toroko isnt save, I'm gonna tear you apart!"

"LOL, thats what she said!" Umbreon said after he heard their entire conversation.

Umbreon then made his way up to where Sue and King where, but he stopped when he found the Munchlax again.

"HEY MUNCHY! WANNA HEAR A JOKE?" Umbreon yelled and/or asked.

"What the - NO!" the Munchlax responded, kicking Umbreon in the _crotch_, sending him flying away.

Umbreon flew into a wall of Arthur's house and fell to the ground face first.

"NEXT TIME I'LL RIP OFF ALL FOUR OF YOUR LIMBS! INDIVIDUALLY!" the Munchlax yelled down.

"I'd like to see him try!" Umbreon screamed before heading back to the pissed off Munchlax.

Umbreon's corpse landed in front of the door of Arthur's house, without any legs attached 2 seconds later.

* * *

><p>"Note to self: Dont EVER approach a very pissed off Munchlax, or anybody who is pissed off, ever again" Umbreon said, once he reappeared in Arthur's house.<p>

"Uhh... why do you say that?" Jack randomly asked, covered in many bandages.

"BECAUSE THEY WILL KILL ME! AS THEY WERE MEANT TO BE!" Umbreon raged, "Wait, what? And I did rhyme thingy."

Jack, too stupid to say anything, was staring at Umbreon.

Umbreon beat him mercilessly again, for absolutely no good reason.

* * *

><p>Umbreon exited out of Arthur's house, for the second time and went to see what was up with Sue and King.<p>

Umbreon stopped halfway to give the Munchlax the middle finger, who was sitting aganist the wall, eating something that cant be described in detail.

Once at the _top_ of the village, Umbreon found Sue in a cage and King facing away from her.

"OH MAH GAWD! UMBREON! YOU'RE HERE! QUICKLY GET ME OUTTA THIS CAGE!" Sue yelled at him once she saw him.

"I wouldnt do that if I were you..." King said, sitting aganist a rock, sharpening a sword.

"Uhh... as much as I would love to get you outta there, I would rather have my head, instead of it being chopped off" Umbreon said to Sue, eyeing King's look on his face.

"Great... just absolutely great..." Sue muttered.

"What is?" both Umbreon and King asked.

"Well, due to the fact that I cant save my brother, from starving to death, I'm gonna have to rely on Umbreon to go save him..." Sue groaned.

"WAIT WHAT?" Umbreon shrieked, "WHY ME? WHY NOW?"

"Oh, no way jose!" King said, "This bi%ch is gonna _pay _for what she did to Toroko! I am sure of it!"

"Okay, I wanna someone's dead body, if Toroko isnt safe."

Sue glared at Umbreon, causing him to whimper in fear.

"Aw... she scared Umbreon... how adorable" King sighed.

"_**ADORABLE?**_** I'LL SHOW YOU ADORABLE!**" Umbreon yelled, tackling King off the platform they were on, having a fist fight in mid-air.

* * *

><p>Exactly 3 days later, Umbreon and King came back to Sue, who is still stuck in the cage, covered in bandages and each having a hospital bill in their hand (or paw).<p>

"The hell happened to you two?" Sue asked when she noticed their presense.

"I have a brain trauma, and cant remember what happened exactly 2 seconds ago" Umbreon said.

"We fell off this platform and we landed on some random spikes, that never should have been there in the first place, and ended up in a hospital, that this village doesnt have, for three days" King muttered.

"Well... I'm pretty sure my brother died of starvation about now, and I dont really care about him anymore" Sue said.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"Wait what?" Umbreon cut in.

"Oh well, the teleporter should have completed connecting to Bushlands right about now, if you want, you can explore that place" Sue mentioned to Umbreon.

"Really? Sweet!" Umbreon said, "time to go on an adventure!"

Umbreon idiotically fell off the platform and somehow managed to crawl his way into Arthur's house.

Once in Arthur's house, Umbreon got to the teleporter and teleported off to Bushlands.

* * *

><p>Umbreon appeared at the bottom of some random placed area and had no idea of what the hell to do.<p>

"**I KNEW I WOULD FIND YOU HERE!**" a familiar voice to Umbreon shouted.

"Oh Arceus, please help me..." Umbreon groaned, before being tackled by an extremely pissed off Vaporeon.

"**HOW DARE YOU LEAVE ME IN THAT ROOM, ALL ALONE!**"

"Geez woman! Get a grip, that happened three full days ago, and yet you still hold a grudge about that?"

"**APPARENTLY YOU HAVEN'T FIGURED OUT HOW I WORK, AND I AM YOUR IMAGINARY FRIEND!**" Vaporeon roared, giving Umbreon a punch to the nose.

"**HELP ME ARCEUS! FOR THE LOVE OF YOU! _PLEASE_ HELP ME!**" Umbreon managed to scream.

Somehow and someway Arceus appeared out of nowhere, kicking Vaporeon in her mid-section and used Judgement on her.

"**THE PAIN! THE PAIN! OH THE FREAKING PAIN!**" Vaporeon shrieked, somehow burning to death.

"Yo dawg, that go cost you some cash, motha #!%&a!" Arceus said, pretending to be gangster.

"Woah, woah, woah! I called _you_ to help me, but now you say _I_ must pay?" Umbreon asked.

"Yes, dammit! I'm #!%&ing Arceus! I hear all! I see all! I'm like God!"

Umbreon reached into his invisible, not existing pants pocket, pulled out a bill and handed it to Arceus.

Arceus examined the bill, but freaked out. "WHAT THE #!%& MAN! THIS IS A _MONOPOLY _BILL THATS WORTH $500!"

Arceus looked up to find Umbreon had already vanished.

"Dammit! I CURSE YOUR SOUL!" Arceus roared before disappearing.

* * *

><p>Umbreon explored the place a little more, finding a convenient house which was locked. He then found another, magically platform hanging in mid-air by a chain.<p>

"WHAT THE - Hey wait, aren't you a soldier from the surface?" An Uxie asked.

"You're the second one to ask that... WAIT! I THOUGHT THERE WAS ONLY _ONE _UXIE!" Umbreon replied.

"Truth is that I have some random sh!t powers that can clone stuff, even myself, but I cant do that anymore..." Uxie replied, "I thought the war was over..."

"What war? I was in a war?"

"Uhh... you must have amneisa, theres only one way to cure that, but I forget..." Uxie added, "Oh, if you wanna travel furthur, watch out for Raticates, they will try to crush you, and break the laws of pokémon... by... dammit what was it...! I forget, anyway, off ya go!" Uxie said shoving Umbreon off the platform thingy.

Umbreon fell right behind a platform who was very tired out.

"HOLY SH!T ITS RAINING POKÉMON!" a Delibird screamed.

"Huh? Chili space monkey dogs?" Umbreon moaned.

"Oh thank god, your alright! I thought I was gonna have a corpse in my _front__ yard_" the Delibird began, "Anyway my name is Santa nice to -"

"OH MY GOD! SANTA! I MET SANTA! I KNEW YOU WAS REAL!" Umbreon freaked out hugging Santa too tight.

"I'm... not... really Santa... Claus" Santa choked.

Umbreon instantly let go of him.

"Awkward moment..." Santa spoke.

Umbreon nodded in agreement.

"Anyway, when I went to get water and was attacked by huge rat-like creatures."

"Dude, your a fricking ice type, you could've just froze something then melted it... coming to think of it, why the hell do you live here?" Umbreon asked.

"I dunno, but even though I'm a damn ice type, I never learned any ice type moves so... yeah."

"Anyway, is there anymore to that incident that happened?"

"Yes, as I ran home I dropped my house key. Now I cant get into my home" Santa said, as a tear _crawled_ down his face.

"If you are anyway, related to Santa Claus, I will help you. If not, I guess you'll be here awhile." Umbreon said.

"I'm his second cousin."

As Santa said that, Umbreon was gone in a flash.

* * *

><p>"Well, time to help a member of Santa Claus' family! I'll get put on the good list for sure!"<p>

Umbreon instantly came across a lot of Rattatas, who were the same colors as Egg Corridor, it's just that they can now fly with their tails.

"Oh... this is gonna be more difficult..." Umbreon groaned.

He managed to destroy all the Rattatas and Zubats before he found Santa's Key, but then three Raticates jumped outta nowhere and nearly flattened Umbreon.

They jumped much higher and flew farther then the Rattatas, but Umbreon managed to out run them and grabbed Santa's Key.

Umbreon, now exhausted, came running to Santa, with his key in his paw.

"Oh! Thats my key! Thank you!" Santa said, happily.

Santa then ran to his house, as Umbreon watch tiredly.

"Please come over, I have something nice for you." Santa siad, before entering his house.

"Ugh, I hope its something I can take over the world with..." Umbreon muttered before entering.

* * *

><p>Once inside of Santa's house, Umbreon decided to go get what he wanted first, Santa's gift.<p>

He then noticed a sign on the wall before heading up to Santa.

He read it out loud, "DANGER! This trap is an instant death! Use extreme caution!"

Umbreon then looked down, to find big, blood-stained spikes.

"Who the hell keeps a death trap in their house?" Umbreon asked.

"Uhh... Santa does" Vaporeon answered.

"Oh well, I'm off to recieve my present."

Umbreon rushed up to Santa, who was warming his _feathers_ near the newly lit fire.

"Remind me to murder this guy later..." Vaporeon said to Umbreon.

"Noted."

"Oh, I honestly didnt expect you to come now, I thought you would be off to see Chako, and sh!t" Santa said, noticing Umbreon.

"Yeah, yeah whatever, now GIVE ME MY PRESENT! DAMMIT!" Umbreon yelled.

"My, my, you are an impatient one all right."

"SHUT UP! I GET IMPATIENT WHEN I WAS PROMISED A GIFT WHEN I DO SOMETHING!"

Santa, deciding not to argue, reluctantly handed Umbreon the wrapped present containing the move, _Flare Blitz_.

"Well, this move may be powerful, but I can only have four around me (on max level), until I could use it again..." Umbreon said, reading the note.

"Oh yeah, one more thing, if you wanna travel any further your gonna have to go through the fireplace in Chako's house" Santa added.

"Yeah, yeah, BYE!" Umbreon said, leaving.

* * *

><p>Umbreon, now in bleeding heavily, got to Chako's house, and went inside.<p>

He found a shiny Lopunny with a redish-pinkish bow tied around her ear.

"Hi, how may I help you?" Chako giggled.

"I am in no need of assistance at the moment, thank you" Umbreon replied.

"Wow, that thing you have there looks very dangerous! Say, are you a traveler?"

"I know it is, and I guess I am."

"Then I'm gonna call you, Mr. Traveler."

"Okay, thats no problem with me" Umbreon said, heading towards the fireplace.

Umbreon looked into the fireplace and saw a hole behind the flames, but couldnt get through.

"You wanna go through my fireplace?" Chako asked, "For that you're gonna need to get some Jellicent Juice."

"Thank you, but I could use a rest first..." Umbreon said, yawning afterward.

"Okay, you may have a little rest in my bed..." Chako said.

Umbreon happily got in the bed and went to sleep.

...

Umbreon felt very rested.

Umbreon then noticed that Chako was lying in the very same bed, right next to where he once was.

"**HOLY MOTHER #!%&ING SH!T!**" Umbreon cried, "**I THINK I JUST HAD SEX WITH A RABBIT!**"

Umbreon removed the blankets and found that he was right... and then he looked in his non-existing bag, and found that Chako put her lipstick in there.

"**OH DEAR ARCEUS!**"

* * *

><p><em>Well Umbreon got scared when he found out Chako was addicted to having sex... (O-O)<em>

_Flare Blitz came to me in a dream actually, I dont know why, but it came then. _

_Is Santa really related to Santa Claus? Or was he just #!%&ing with Umbreon? Oh well, we probably wont ever find out._

_The Arceus part was a little add-on to the story, he may not return, but I might make him one time._

_Reviews appreciated!_


	6. Dumbassery for Jellicent Juice?

_Welp, Sorry for my MASSIVE delay, but I finally got back into this stuff Bros and Brahs. Listening to music right now too... distracting you say? I think not, its more... inspirational for me. Especially when its a very stupid song that I'm listening to, or when it's designed for youtube hilarity. Oh well, let us begin? Yeah we shall._

* * *

><p><strong><span>Poké Story: Chapter 6: Dumbassery For "Jellicent Juice?"<span>**

* * *

><p>"Well, I'm off to get the Jellicent Juice now... but I didnt see any Jellicents around" Umbreon said, leaving Chako's House.<p>

"Well... I see some Frillish over there" Vaporeon said, pointing.

"Umm... there's also some Zubats above us..." Umbreon said, looking up.

"Well, I suggest that you move your ass" Vaporeon said.

Umbreon then freaked out when the Zubats randomly swooped down and latched onto him.

"Gah! Get it off! GET IT OFF!" Umbreon shrieked, running around in circles.

"This is humorous" Vaporeon giggled.

"Shut up!"

Once the Zubat gave up on eating Umbreon's non-existing brain, he decided to go get the Jellicent Juice.

"Okay, so I have to go through THAT hell of a place again... get the Jellicent Juice, maybe put out the fire in Santa's Place... and in the Assembly Hall" Umbreon grumbled

"How will you remember to do all that?" Vaporeon asked.

"Remember what now?"

"..."

Umbreon made his way through Bushlands again, until he got to a swarm of Frillish, Rattatas and Raticates.

"HOLY JESUS SH!T!" Umbreon freaked out, as they all charged for him.

...Umbreon was impaled by a monster swarm...

Want to retry? Yes/No

* * *

><p>"My god that was my terrible than the time I woke up in that random cave..." Umbreon said, rolling on his back, sucking his thumb.<p>

"Please say theres a flashback..." Vaporeon said.

"Yup, there is. Cue flashback!"

* * *

><p>"Oh... my head..." Umbreon complained, "WHERE THE F!%&amp; AM I? What's my name? Ooh, water, I go swim!"<p>

"I'm swimming, I'm swimming, swimming, swimming, swimming... CANT BREATH!" Umbreon shouted from under the water.

...Umbreon drowned... Want to retry? Yes/No

* * *

><p>"I gotta admit, that was pretty hilarious" Vaporeon said after the flashback ended, laughing.<p>

"Shut the F!%& up" Umbreon groaned.

He tried to plug his ears but the laughter still got to him.

Umbreon finally got tired of this, punched her in the face and pressed the 'yes' button.

Umbreon instantly owned all the enemies and got confused.

"Umm... wheres the Jellicent Juice?"

"Probably up your ass" Vaporeon said, holding an ice pack on her head.

"I didnt see a Jellicent anyway, I wonder if..." He was cut off when some kind of juice fell from nowhere.

"I guess its up there" Vaporeon assumed, pointing up.

"Thank you, Ms. Obvious!"

Umbreon had no idea on how to get up, so Vaporeon forced him to bang his head on the ground.

"Oh, now I remember, it involves far jumping techniques! That I dont have..." Umbreon grumbled.

"Lovely! I'll get the popcorn!" Vaporeon cheered.

* * *

><p>Umbreon went back a little ways to jump up to his first platform, but something was blocking him.<p>

"FLARE BLITZ!" Umbreon said facing upward, but it just followed gravity, came back down, and burnt himself.

"IT BUUUUUUURRRRNNNNS!" Umbreon screamed, while on fire.

Vaporeon doubled over laughing.

"Shut up!" Umbreon yelled at her, but she continued to laugh.

Umbreon then put on some random ear plugs on to ignore her.

His second attempt went much better then his first, he used Swift to break the thing blocking him from getting up onto the platform.

Umbreon then continued up and over, far above the ground, followed by his treasure senses kicking in.

"Aw-F!%&-yeah! Treasure nearby!" Umbreon cheered.

Umbreon somehow managed to get up to where the treasure is on his first try, he hacked his way across.

"Well, I guess I will be disappointed, because I found that stupid capsule that raises your life" Umbreon assumed.

He threw it away, making it land on a Raticate's head, making all the other monsters scurry away, as the Raticate spazed out.

Umbreon quickly got down from the ledge and was welcomed by a very pissed off Frillish.

"Sup Nigga! I here to beat yo ass, b!%ch!" the Frillish said for a huge welcome.

Umbreon just stared at him... and stared and stared and stared and stared and stared and stared at him until he FINALLY doubled over laughing.

* * *

><p><em>LOL Try Reading that out loud, fast and try not to F!%&amp; up!<em>

* * *

><p>"Yo Dawg, I hate b!%ches like you! In fact, I hate everybody! I have a gun, your gonna eat its F!%&amp;ing bullet!<p>

Umbreon and Vaporeon glanced at eachother, Vaporeon shrugged.

"Uhh... yeah, umm... what gun?" Umbreon said, confused.

"Dis gun, b!%ch! I go shoot you with it!"

"He does realize that he isn't holding it right?" Vaporeon whispered to Umbreon.

"I dunno, maybe he's drunk" Umbreon assumed.

He began to stagger around a lot, becoming more and more unbalanced.

Vaporeon raised one of her eyebrows, as the Frillish fell face-first on the ground.

Umbreon poked it, and it didn't move, so he killed it with Swift.

Once he has finished taking a bath in his imaginary bathtub, which is clearly illogical, he looked up to see a Jellicent hanging from the ceiling of the area, known as Bushlands, cause it's bushy.

"Well, theres the Jellicent... time to get it's juice" Umbreon said with a dirty grin.

"You sickening bastard!" Vaporeon snorted.

"Not my fault that rabbit, who I think had sex with me, told me to get it, I mean she was hot and all, but not my type."

"...Don't make me snap yo head."

"Just don't forget that I'm the genius here and your the sidekick, ok?"

"Talk about subject change..." she groaned.

Umbreon made his way to the platform and used Swift upon the Jellicent, which had no effect, so he used Flare Blitz and caused an epic battle tune, known as Oppression, to play. He instantly stopped what he was doing, and started nodding his head to the beat and began to dance.

"I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT!" Umbreon said as he danced, Vaporeon doubled over laughing at his idiotic dance, and the Jellicent just killed itself.

"Say, that was easy!" Umbreon said as he got the Jellicent Juice from the completely unnecessary treasure chest that was mixed up with the Jellicent's organs. "Wait a second... the Jellicent Juice isn't really called "Jellicent Juice" it's a TM that's nicknamed that..."

Vaporeon facepalmed, "The stupid things people do to get things done... wait, what?"

"Yeah, it's really Brine, but the sad thing is I can only use it for putting out fires."

"Ok...? I suppose that's kinda legit."

"I know right!" Umbreon cheered, "Now let's go to the Assembly Hall and put out that fire of theirs!"

"Well this will be fun."

* * *

><p>Umbreon made his way to the teleporter after being mauled on by Rattatas and Raticates, nearly dying of major bleeding and head wounds.<p>

He teleported away, bleeding heavily, yet still on his four feet.

* * *

><p>Once he got back in Arthur's house, he ran outside and instantly, into the ass end of Munchlax.<p>

"**OH F!%& NO! I'M GETTING THE F!%& AWAY FROM THIS MUDDER F!%&ER!**" Umbreon screamed at the top of his lungs.

Munchlax looked at him strangely but went back to sleep.

Umbreon ran into a wall.

Munchlax laughed.

Umbreon got pissed.

And the F!%&ing Golduck came out of nowhere.

* * *

><p>Umbreon made his way to the Assembly Hall, without being noticed by both Sue and King, and used Brine in front of the Fire place to find a secret TM.<p>

"Ooh, shiny thingy mine!" Umbreon squealed with joy.

Vaporeon was annoyed pretty badly, so she punched him in the face and dragged him out.

She then tossed the unconscious Umbreon off the Assembly Hall ledge and down toward the Storage Shed.

Umbreon woke up while in the air and fainted right before he hit the ground.

"I'm gonna pretend I didn't see anything" Vaporeon said, as Umbreon exploded on impact.

...Umbreon went KA-BLAMO... Want to Retry? Yes/No.

* * *

><p>"That crazy b!%ch thinks she gets all the fun?! Oh hell no! I'll whip her ass as if I'm enjoying it, which I will!" Umbreon said in the random dark room.<p>

"I heard every word..." a mysterious voice said.

"WHO THE HELL SAID THAT?!" Umbreon yelled, looking around.

"I did..." the mysterious voice said as it walked out of the shadows.

It was a large pink pokémon, with orbs in the middle of its shoulders, a large tail and stands on two feet.

"My name is Palkia. I have been watching over you through my dimension using the power of space control to distort it."

"My mind has been blown..." Umbreon said, looking up at Palkia.

"You also may be wondering how I'm in this really small room..." Palkia said, with curiosity.

"No, I'm not really wondering that."

"Shut up! Now you are wondering that."

"Ok then. Yes I am wondering how the F!%k you are in this room."

"The truth is, I'm not in this room... you are viewing a 3D-Live, full communicative, hologram of myself, for I was being experimented on for generations."

"And your saying that they made cameras that track your every move and put you in a time-distortion-less room that you can't break out of?"

"Yeah, basically." Palkia said in unbelief.

"Well it's been nice talking to you Palkia, but I have to get back to what I was doing" Umbreon said as he walked over to the two buttons.

"WAIT!" Palkia yelled.

"What do you want now?" Umbreon said.

"Could you turn on the lights, please? I've been sitting here in the dark for the past 3 generations."

"There's a light switch in here...?" Umbreon said, twitching.

"Yeah, it's over there, by the two buttons, right behind you."

Umbreon turned around and saw a huge switch in his face, and instantly flicked it up. The lights were only turned on where Palkia is.

"THE LIGHT! THE MOTHER F!%&ING LIGHT! I HAVE BEEN WAITING SO LONG TO SEE YOU AGAIN!" Palkia said overjoyed.

He began to dance afterward, but Umbreon didn't want his eyes to melt so he got the hell outta there.

* * *

><p>Umbreon got back on his feet, and walked back to Arthur's house, to teleport to Bushlands and put out the fire in Santa's house.<p>

He came out of the teleporter and was welcomed by Arceus.

"Well, well, if it isn't Umbreon..." he said, tapping his foot slowly on the ground, "I guess you don't know why I'm here... but you SHOULD know why I'm here..."

"To be honest, I have no idea what so ever." Umbreon replied.

"WHERE'S MY F!%&ING MONEY?" Arceus yelled at him, pinning him to the grass.

"It's over there, over there and up there" Umbreon said pointing in many directions, under the grip of Arceus.

Arceus got confused on where to go first, if he should go up, left or right, for he didn't want to waste time searching for his money that he wants from Umbreon.

Umbreon crawled away during Arceus' confusion, hiding within a nearby bush, he watched Arceus walk off in one of the directions he pointed to, only to hear him scream in fear and then saw blood coming from that direction.

Umbreon decided to ignore that and continued on to Santa's House.

* * *

><p>Once there, instead of going through the door of Santa's place, he decided on going through the non-existing side window.<p>

He jumped for it, only to discover it was crossed off like a window, but with sticks and busted through those.

"OWW! I think I got a stick up my ass!" Umbreon complained.

"Who's there?!" Santa yelled from downstairs, who came running upstairs wielding a broomstick and was read to smash it into Umbreon's face.

"Don't rape me bro!" Umbreon said.

"Oh, it's you. Couldn't knock on the door I see."

"Yeah, things get F!%&ed up when I'm around."

"No kidding... anyway why are you here?" Santa asked.

"TO PUT OUT YOUR FIRE PLACE!" Umbreon said, as he ran over to the fireplace and used Brine.

He ended up with some charcoal.

"What on pokémon-earth do you need charcoal for?" Santa asked, raising a brow.

"I don't know, but I like charcoal" Umbreon said, grabbing it and running off.

* * *

><p>Once outside, he made a mad dash to Chako's house and put out the fireplace there, going through it.<p>

As he got to the other side, Chako lit another fire, and prevented Umbreon from going back in.

"Son of a b!%ch" Umbreon said as his ears drooped. "Oh well, lets see what's ahead of us."

Umbreon walked over to the cliff and saw death spikes everywhere.

"Ah... F!%&."

* * *

><p><em>There you have it folks, he next chapter of Poké Story is complete. See ya all again, in the next chapter. Again, I'd like to apologize for my super massive break, I was derping around on stuff and my friend told me about updating this, many times now, so I finally did. Merry Christmas!Happy Holidays!  
><em>


	7. Life in Hell?

_After, like, two years of not remembering fanfiction existed, I finally decide to move on in Poké Story. Also, as I will eventually do in Mario Kart 7 fanfic, I shall only censor sh*t and f*ck because I believe you guys are mature enough to read stuff like damn, bitch, etc. Don't sue if I'm wrong. Bushlands continues..._

* * *

><p><strong>Poké Story: Life in Hell?<strong>

"Welp, may I go ahead and say I'm gonna be impaled by one of those death spikes sometime soon" Umbreon said.

"I'll watch the entire thing from my seat that hangs upside down on the ceiling. Catch ya later" Vaporeon said as she flew up into the seat.

"Man, girl you got quite some kind of life hacks going on."

"Well, I don't even exist for one, and two, I have no laws of gravity or anything, I could fly, go through walls, etc."

"Well f*ck you too" Umbreon said for some reason.

Umbreon just shrugged after Vaporeon got a bag of gravity defying popcorn, and decided to progress through Bushlands and its most death causing part ever.

Umbreon managed the first jump, and was then welcomed by a few zubats, whom wanted blood, and latched on to him. He screamed in agony.

Upon swifting the zubats, he then came upon another cliff, with a lone pillar he could jump to, but can also fall off if he over-jumps it, leading to an impalement to the everything.

Umbreon failed the jump over fifteen times... but got to the last cliff, which was an extremely long jump.

"God. Freaking. Damnit" Umbreon said, "There is no way in hell I'm going to cross this c-" He got caught off when a zubat swooped down from above and latched on to him. "GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!"

Umbreon fell backwards, and fell to his death.

"At least I'm bringing y-" the zubat started flying away, "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

Umbreon was impaled by large death spikes... Do you want to retry? Yes/No.

* * *

><p>Welcomed back by Palkia, Umbreon emerged back in the room.<p>

"I really wish that every god damn enemy would just let me be, making this quest so much more easier... but no point in having a quest with no enemies to fight and such" Umbreon said as he pressed the 'Yes' button and continued on.

* * *

><p>Once back in Bushlands, he decided on using the new move he found back in the Assembly Hall fireplace.<p>

"BUBBLEBEAM!" Umbreon yelled as bubbles formed out of his mouth, started floating about him, in a somewhat shielding way, then after some time, they'd pop and shoot a high-speed water spike from within the bubble.

"Holy sh*t, this would easily down the enemies, and protect me for some time too."

Umbreon then tried the leap of faith again, and actually succeeded this time.

Umbreon is welcomed by a swarm of zubats, from hanging on the ceiling and in the air.

"Ha, that was more amusing than I thought it would be" Vaporeon said as she floated down from her chair, "Even if you managed to make your way across that death pit."

"Shut up, bitch" Umbreon scolded, "I came through that with triumph, give me some respect."

"...erm, since when did you learn those words?" Vaporeon asked, confused.

"What are words?" Umbreon said back.

Vaporeon slapped him across the face.

"Well, anyways, I'm gonna continue on in this quest of completely exploring Bushlands!" Umbreon exclaimed, as he charged forward destroying ever zubat in sight.

He eventually fell into a hole which was covered by grass. "Woah, better watch out for more of these..." he said as he got out of the first hole.

He continued on and fell into another hole, which contained death spikes.

Umbreon was impaled... again... Want to retry? Yes/No

* * *

><p>"Well, I gotta admit I didn't expect that" Umbreon said as he reappeared.<p>

"Oh my god dude, that was hilarious" came a chuckling voice. It was Palkia, "The way how you ran on with courage and determination, all shattered by that second fall into that death hole, ah... classic." Palkia sighed.

"Are you done here?" Umbreon asked?

"Nope" Palkia said as he began to laugh hysterically.

After 10 minutes of bashing his head against the wall, Palkia told the nearly unconcsious Umbreon that he was finished.

Umbreon yelled "FINALLY" and pressed the 'Yes' button.

* * *

><p>Umbreon began that part again, destroying the zubats, actually using his brain this time and used bubble beam on the grass to expose the holes in the ground.<p>

"Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait... wait" Vaporeon said, "you actually had YOUR OWN PLAN to remove an obstacle?!"

"Um... I did? I don't know, I just used what instinct told me to" Umbreon replied.

"So basically, you listened to your gut?" Vaporeon questioned.

"I have a stomach and ears?" Umbreon said randomly.

"..."

Umbreon came across a strange thing afterward, not knowing what it has, he decided to touch it, and it nearly burnt his hand off, so he decided hitting it with something would work. He used bubblebeam and a spiritomb just popped out and retaliated by firing back a projectile.

"SON OF A B-" Umbreon yelled as he ducked.

Umbreon then used bubblebeam again and caused the spiritomb to spontaneously combust, and he was stunned by how amazing the explosion was.

Umbreon then snapped back to reality, and moved further into Bushlands. Umbreon fell down a cliff into the largest area of Bushlands. He turned around to find a door, but it was locked. So he decided to move forward, as it was his only option.

About twenty yards in front of him, he came across other platforms, but he couldn't get to them as they were too high. He proceeded below them and found many spiritombs and a few zubats, hanging on the ceiling.

The zubats were dealt with quite quickly, but the spiritombs were more of a hassle as they retaliate with attacked, so Umbreon had a difficult time dealing with them. He then came across a frogadier which only hopped toward him fearlessly. It was easily done in with swift.

There was a building further ahead with a locked door, but there was a crack in the wall. Umbreon peered into the crack to find a dying corpse of some green creature.

"Uh... hey buddy? Are you alright?" Umbreon questioned.

"Huh, the f*ck is it? Better not be those damn trolling Bisharps again" the green thing spoke.

"No, it's an Umbreon this time. What you doing in there?"

"Your just in time, could you help me please?"

"Uh... what's in it for me?" Umbreon asked, raising a brow.

"You'll have my prized collection of sandwiches."

"...You have the strangest hobbies... but sure, what can I do for you?"

"Take this key and try unlocking the door, if you can or are you too stupid to even know what a door is?" the green creature laughed.

"Bitch please, I ain't no kind of person who doesn't know what a door is, gimme that key" Umbreon said, snatching the key from it's hand.

Umbreon went to unlock the door but he found no keyhole, so he went back to the crack.

"Hey man, sorry to break this to you there isn't no keyhole on that door."

"SAY WHAT?! There's no damned keyhole on that door?! Well that's depressing... we'll have to break down that door somehow then..." the green creature said emotionally.

Umbreon then slipped away because it started sobbing intensely.

"You're a jerk, you know that, right?" Vaporeon said.

"Shut up, does it seem like I give a damn?" Umbreon snapped back.

"Not at all."

"Exactly, anyway I'ma go and try this key on that other door that was locked." Umbreon said.

Umbreon made his way back to the first door he tried opening. He inserted the key and it unlocked.

"YES. VICTORY IS MINE!" Umbreon yelled in triumph.

* * *

><p>Upon entering the room, he noticed a deactivated Porygon-Z, as well as others in the background. He looked over to see a computer.<p>

Fan power supply offline.  
>Malco power supply offline.<br>Turn the power on? To do so, press the button.

Umbreon pressed the button. Causing the Porygon-Z to go haywire.

The Porygon-Z powered on completely, which then started acting funky.

"INTRUDER SIGHTED! ACTIVATE TERMINATION MODE!" the Porygon-Z said.

"OH YEAAAAAAAAAH!" came a familiar voice.

"God damnit, not the kool-aid man again." Umbreon groaned.

The salamence came through the roof and crushed the Porygon-Z.

"Oh sh*t, did I land on something metallic? Oh well, did you know the pokemon I found wasn't Sue?" Balrog asked.

"I most certainly did." Umbreon replied.

"That's damn right, she wasn't Sue! Because of that, the Doctor was extremely upset, Misery, whom brought that other pokemon to him, received quite the beat down... it was hilarious to watch, but it's still a pity since she is a girl after all..." Balrog said.

* * *

><p><em>About 1 hour ago...<em>

"Ha ha Misery, there's no way you can destroy me and my sweet ass dance moves." said a voice.

"Well, I haven't been playing Just Dance all day, every day, since I've been doing your evil deeds." Misery said, trying to keep up with the game.

"Oh please Misery, you still are a good dancer, but there's no way you could top my moves" the voice laughed.

Misery let out a groan before she almost fell to the floor, panting from exhaustion.

The owner of the voice continued dancing for another 30 minutes after Misery gave up, while Balrog and Toroko were eating popcorn spectating this dance off.

"Man, he certainly knows how to dance" Toroko said.

"Damn right he does, he's been playing Just Dance non-stop for the past few weeks... hey wait a minute, shouldn't you be put into a jail cell?" Balrog said, starting to get aggressive.

"You never had the chance to put me in one yet..." Toroko said.

"Well damn, we gotta change that right now" Balrog said as he grabbed Toroko by the head and threw her into a jail.

"Ouch..." Toroko moaned.

* * *

><p><em>Back to the present...<em>

"Well, the master can't be disobeyed so... that's our fate. This time I'm here to beat your ass for real" Balrog said, getting ready to attack.

Umbreon readied himself for Balrog's assault.

The battle has just begun.

* * *

><p><em>Holy damn, I'd never thought I'd actually get back to this. The battle shall begin in the next chapter, whenever that is.<em>


End file.
